Part Two (Love and Loss)
As the days counted down to departure from Chirripo - the place that had been my home and felt like my final destination in Costa Rica (I was no longer searching for where I wanted to plant my roots, because it felt like Chirripo was that place) -- an uneasiness crept over me. I did my daily practices and in my prayers I asked. What was the source of this unease? My beloved partner was away for a few weeks traveling to the States and during that time I had plenty of space to digest and drop into myself. With a heavy heart, I began to realize that my unease was in the subtle recognition that it was time for me to make a trip to the States AND that the relationship I was in - which was still just starting and filled with beauty and magick and love -- was not appropriate for me. Both of the revelations were challenging to digest and accept. The woman I was with and the love that I felt from and for her was transforming me in the best ways, as was my home in the mountains. The two realizations -- going to the US and separating from my partner -- created a lot of conflict in me and, despite the fact that I wanted things to be different, I slowly accepted the truth that was making itself known through the signs and subtle intuitions. When my partner returned home and we reconnected after almost three weeks of being apart, the disheartened self in me discovered that what I was subtly intuiting was true. It was time to have the very difficult conversation of separation and to own the Word that emerged from within me.
-- my home in the Chirripo mountains
Despite the initial challenges of this, her and I reached a mutual understanding and appreciation of one another. I have so much love and respect for this woman for all that she showed me, taught me and shared with me in the short and passionate time we were together. But just like that, the star of our togetherness, which burned so brightly and so powerfully during the time of its Union, again separated into the individual path. I was bound to the journey onward.
I share this piece of the story as I wish to illustrate the very basic human challenge of confronting our deep emotional attachments when it comes to making decisions that we pray will carry us forward on our path. Honestly, there are times that I wish it could be different. Why not? Why does life ask us to give up things that are so precious and beloved to us? I do not believe we live in a cruel world with sinister gods. But, for whatever reason, I’ve seen that we are sometimes faced with something we may liken to the concept of sacrifice . To give up one thing in exchange for another. We can only hope and pray and ultimately have faith that the sacrifice is worth it. In the end, I believe that if we can extract the wisdom that emerges from our choices and their outcomes, that this is more valuable than any attainable material goal.
Before moving on to part three, I just wanted to take a moment to share gratitude and love for this aspect of the journey -- the aspect of 'Love & Loss'. I have been blessed to have some incredible teachers in my life -- people whom I carry in my heart everywhere I go and am constantly in spiritual union with them -- and it is through my contact with them that I've realized there is truly no greater teacher than Love. Whether they are actively in my life or not, crossing paths with these beings has brought so much light into my soul and shows me what this whole journey is for. Thank you... thank you, thank you....
It is Love that keeps my heart burning with life, despite the challenges that emerge through the quest for deepening my understanding of this deeply mysterious thing (Love). I am so grateful for those who have loved me, who love me, and who will love me, as it is in the sharing of love that the greatest gifts in this life are experienced and embodied. Thank you dear ones, and thank you dear reader. May you have the courage to Love without fear of loss, as it is the very reality that what is loved may some day end that imbues love with its very precious quality. The things we love may someday be no longer. Ironically, this is what makes love, Love. As it is in our fearlessness to love that we discover to Love is itself the reward. To Love. Without fear.
To Love is the reward.
part three coming soon..... (be sure to subscribe to receive updates)